It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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