i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
