whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
