i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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