He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
