you would pick up someone in the library
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
