dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
