everyone is single if you try hard enough
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
