When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
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