The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
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But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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