What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
