My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
