my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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