it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize