Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
