Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize