Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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