His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
