What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
