i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
