I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
