just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
