the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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