it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
