This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
