Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
