We're like a lot better than the average bears
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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