this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
