just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
