Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.