your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"