can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.