just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.