you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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