He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
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