Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
as a side note pls kill me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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