You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
