This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
