i would punch a child for taco bell
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
