Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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