Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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