Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
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I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
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Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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