She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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