Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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