Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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