I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
