u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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