The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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