WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize