somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I smell like Dick and happiness
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