You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
