he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You were trust falling into bushes
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
