i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Come back. Shots need mouths.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
