Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
