He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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