it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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