I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
