I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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