Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
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Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
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I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize