She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
