I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
