Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
