That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
