Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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