He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
