last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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