T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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